Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step till I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
When I hear your voice
Its drowning in a whisper
It's just skin and bones
There's nothing left to take
And no matter what I do I can't make you feel better
If only I could find the answer
To help me understand
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
That if you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you
(Ahahaha)
If only I could find the answer
To take it all away
Sometimes i wish i could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
(Oh)
I wish I could save you
I want you to know
(Ohohh)
I wish I could save you (oh)
You said you wouldnt leave me. Will be there for me forever.
I trusted you. I gave you my broken heart.
And then what do you do... you step on it, you crush it up even more.
Give it back to me. Now you say you hate me. Never ever wanna see me.
I took my heart to them. They said they loved me. They said we'll be together forever.
But they ran away when they saw my broken heart. They didnt want it.
So I bring my little heart to You again.
I've damaged it so much. It looks nothing like how You first gave me.
Wont You take me away before I damage it even more?
I am just starting to realise how fake everything really is...
I trusted you. I gave you my broken heart.
And then what do you do... you step on it, you crush it up even more.
Give it back to me. Now you say you hate me. Never ever wanna see me.
I took my heart to them. They said they loved me. They said we'll be together forever.
But they ran away when they saw my broken heart. They didnt want it.
So I bring my little heart to You again.
I've damaged it so much. It looks nothing like how You first gave me.
Wont You take me away before I damage it even more?
I am just starting to realise how fake everything really is...
this new year i dont want to make resolutions.. I want the ones I made resolved.
Over and done with.
btw.... I think I'm finally ready to fall in love again..
I might have actually moved on without me knowing..
or its my psycho head thats taking over and I AM BEING freaking me myself and I
Over and done with.
btw.... I think I'm finally ready to fall in love again..
I might have actually moved on without me knowing..
or its my psycho head thats taking over and I AM BEING freaking me myself and I
Doesnt it count?
My mum sent me this message today
"Sai is learning tamil from your books. They've gone to KL"
To you guys.. its just a text. just information.. to me, its enough to cause me depression.
All my life, Saishree(my cousin sister) has always been perfect. Better than me. Ever since she came into my life.. our lives, Im not important anymore. Im not 'valid' anymore. I am just the wrongly adopted girl who caused havoc in everyone's life. Am i making this up??
No!
My mum patronizes her. Always comparing.
"Saishree is so thin and perfect. why cant you have willpower like her?"
"Saishree listens to her mum! She is always cooperating with her mum. If only you coperated with me, we wouldnt be like this,"
"I never wanted you. It was my brother and your stupid father that forced you upon me"
"Why cant you be like saishree. She eats so little,"
"Saishree has her whole life set up for her. She is going to be very successful. Unlike you. How can I be proud of you. You are like white trash,"
And i cant even hate her, because everything else she does, she does it out of love and duty.
So how do I tell her? She always denies it. She manipulates her words till I can never point out or voice out how I feel without looking like a douche.
Doesnt it count that I came out of a wicked relationship for you?
Doesnt it count that I managed to get myself in uni and am working hard for you?
Doesnt it count that I forgot to dream dreams for myself and am living solely for you?
Doesnt it count that I have my talents too? How come you never saw those ma?
I can speak fluent tamil ma.. I can write too. I can do so much more than Saishree ma. why doesnt that count for you?
I am never going to measure up until I am prettier, smarter, better than her.
dont worry ma..I am doing something about it.
Even if it takes dying to get there.
"Sai is learning tamil from your books. They've gone to KL"
To you guys.. its just a text. just information.. to me, its enough to cause me depression.
All my life, Saishree(my cousin sister) has always been perfect. Better than me. Ever since she came into my life.. our lives, Im not important anymore. Im not 'valid' anymore. I am just the wrongly adopted girl who caused havoc in everyone's life. Am i making this up??
No!
My mum patronizes her. Always comparing.
"Saishree is so thin and perfect. why cant you have willpower like her?"
"Saishree listens to her mum! She is always cooperating with her mum. If only you coperated with me, we wouldnt be like this,"
"I never wanted you. It was my brother and your stupid father that forced you upon me"
"Why cant you be like saishree. She eats so little,"
"Saishree has her whole life set up for her. She is going to be very successful. Unlike you. How can I be proud of you. You are like white trash,"
And i cant even hate her, because everything else she does, she does it out of love and duty.
So how do I tell her? She always denies it. She manipulates her words till I can never point out or voice out how I feel without looking like a douche.
Doesnt it count that I came out of a wicked relationship for you?
Doesnt it count that I managed to get myself in uni and am working hard for you?
Doesnt it count that I forgot to dream dreams for myself and am living solely for you?
Doesnt it count that I have my talents too? How come you never saw those ma?
I can speak fluent tamil ma.. I can write too. I can do so much more than Saishree ma. why doesnt that count for you?
I am never going to measure up until I am prettier, smarter, better than her.
dont worry ma..I am doing something about it.
Even if it takes dying to get there.
If having an eating disorder was a diet, that makes you beautiful.. I would have been that pretty girl years ago.
If purging and restriction and abusing myself promised me a life of wonderful things, I would been living my life years ago.
I would just be laughed at if I asked for help. So Im giving help up for a while.
Until it comes to me by itself.
I used to stick my finger up my throat so that my mum would love me more, so that my Ikey would love me more, so that I would be more attractive. So that I wouldnt end up with a psycho guy. The very same action Im doing right now for the exact opposite reason. I am afraid to be attractive. I am afraid to be hurt again. I want to be fragile and untouchable.
Im screwed.
God.. I fairly disappoint you. all the time. Do something with me. Help me out.. Or take me away from this life. I really do not deserve you. I suck at this.
If purging and restriction and abusing myself promised me a life of wonderful things, I would been living my life years ago.
I would just be laughed at if I asked for help. So Im giving help up for a while.
Until it comes to me by itself.
I used to stick my finger up my throat so that my mum would love me more, so that my Ikey would love me more, so that I would be more attractive. So that I wouldnt end up with a psycho guy. The very same action Im doing right now for the exact opposite reason. I am afraid to be attractive. I am afraid to be hurt again. I want to be fragile and untouchable.
Im screwed.
God.. I fairly disappoint you. all the time. Do something with me. Help me out.. Or take me away from this life. I really do not deserve you. I suck at this.
Random
I am trying to turn inside out. Figuratively I mean.
=]
=/
=(
='(
damn it
on another note,
like these ones too
And I love this song!!
Val Emmich-Snowy Day
every day just blurs into one
the moon starts to look just like the sun
full steam ahead day to night
never fully charged, never quite right
but she was a snowy day
a break from working hard for such little pay
yeah she was a snowy day
she let me get some rest, she let me sleep real late
so I could fight another day
bleary eyed, i drag my feet along
by the time the caffeine hits the day is gone
but she came and gave me time to catch my breath
she shut the city down, no one's left the house yet
yeah she was a snowy day
a break from working hard for such little pay
yeah she was a snowy day
she let me get some rest, she let me sleep real late
so I could fight another day
the sun is hidden well behind
a sky of white has frozen time
and all responsibilities delayed
one by one the deck is stacked
with all that modern life can pack
I don't know how much more that I can take
I'm so thankful for this snowy day
a break from working hard for such little pay
yeah she was a snowy day
she let me catch my breath, she let me sleep real late
so I could fight another day
she was a snowy day
=]
=/
=(
='(
damn it
on another note,
like these ones too
And I love this song!!Val Emmich-Snowy Day
every day just blurs into one
the moon starts to look just like the sun
full steam ahead day to night
never fully charged, never quite right
but she was a snowy day
a break from working hard for such little pay
yeah she was a snowy day
she let me get some rest, she let me sleep real late
so I could fight another day
bleary eyed, i drag my feet along
by the time the caffeine hits the day is gone
but she came and gave me time to catch my breath
she shut the city down, no one's left the house yet
yeah she was a snowy day
a break from working hard for such little pay
yeah she was a snowy day
she let me get some rest, she let me sleep real late
so I could fight another day
the sun is hidden well behind
a sky of white has frozen time
and all responsibilities delayed
one by one the deck is stacked
with all that modern life can pack
I don't know how much more that I can take
I'm so thankful for this snowy day
a break from working hard for such little pay
yeah she was a snowy day
she let me catch my breath, she let me sleep real late
so I could fight another day
she was a snowy day
Nyek Nyek Nyek
I was going to write something very emo here, but this guy(who comments on my blog) Joshua.. made me laugh.. and now I feel 'unburdened' again, so Im going to say something a little chirpy.
This past month has been a 'lessons in life' experience for me. I am learning to live. But as usual, the little madam backslides a lot. So, for my public speaking 5 minute presentation in uni, Im doing a topic on LIFE. To appreciate life. To count blessings. To live.
Am I living??
Then, she needs to stop procrastinating. Coz tom Christ could come, and Im too late.
After that, she needs to put to work what she has planned. Coz I rarely do this.
And lastly, she needs to let go of her past. In which my ex-boyfriends lives happily ever after (and still does).
Wait a minute its supposed to be chirpy!
Oh by the way, I think I have morphed into a very very UGLY butterfly, into a pretty OK looking larvae, and SOON TO BE GORGEOUS butterfly :)
TA *bows*
This past month has been a 'lessons in life' experience for me. I am learning to live. But as usual, the little madam backslides a lot. So, for my public speaking 5 minute presentation in uni, Im doing a topic on LIFE. To appreciate life. To count blessings. To live.
Am I living??
Well, Im trying to hehe. But firstly, I have decided that Annikins needs more discipline. DISCIPLINE!
just coz this tiggeroo is purty!
just coz this tiggeroo is purty!
Then, she needs to stop procrastinating. Coz tom Christ could come, and Im too late.
After that, she needs to put to work what she has planned. Coz I rarely do this.
And lastly, she needs to let go of her past. In which my ex-boyfriends lives happily ever after (and still does).
Wait a minute its supposed to be chirpy!
Oh by the way, I think I have morphed into a very very UGLY butterfly, into a pretty OK looking larvae, and SOON TO BE GORGEOUS butterfly :)
TA *bows*
Nothin to do la..
Dresses I want... :)
Hair colours I want... :)
tha last one is the main colour, the other two highlights.
Saving up for rental.. then save up for Ipod. Getting camera soon(free la)
:)
going to work to send my parents to India/Israel by 2011.
Nails in my head
I am having this horrible headaches.. which have morphed into migraines since the holiday break.
some make me cry. Its that painful.
I should go check it out. But I dont want to.. I dont intend on wasting time at GH and then coing out with phony results.
Headache :'( I really wanna cry right now. I cant even sleep..
I found this awesome song by Barlow Girls. I am feeling this need to just be quiet in the Presence of God. Just wanna be still and know that He is God.
I dont'Regret
They're telling me they're concerned for the way I am living
That I'll miss it all why would I think that God is that trusting
I can't explain all the words He has spoken to my heart
Why'd I want him more
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
Why do we think if we trust God too much will fail us
Nothing has come when I chose its that in me I'd trust
Separate me You have called out to follow You blindly
I won't fear You're leading me
I don't regret choosing You
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is
What on earth is more important than to have all of you
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
by the way we celebrated yet another birthday today :)
Pictures later k?
MUAX!
some make me cry. Its that painful.
I should go check it out. But I dont want to.. I dont intend on wasting time at GH and then coing out with phony results.
Headache :'( I really wanna cry right now. I cant even sleep..
I found this awesome song by Barlow Girls. I am feeling this need to just be quiet in the Presence of God. Just wanna be still and know that He is God.
I dont'Regret
They're telling me they're concerned for the way I am living
That I'll miss it all why would I think that God is that trusting
I can't explain all the words He has spoken to my heart
Why'd I want him more
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
Why do we think if we trust God too much will fail us
Nothing has come when I chose its that in me I'd trust
Separate me You have called out to follow You blindly
I won't fear You're leading me
I don't regret choosing You
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is
What on earth is more important than to have all of you
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
by the way we celebrated yet another birthday today :)
Pictures later k?
MUAX!
